Of Happiness and Bitterness
by Silvereyes12
Summary: Challenge by Sing Lullabys. Zutara, one sided-Maiko, form Mai's point-of-view. Lots of ANGST!


**Of Happiness and Bitterness**

**An Avatar the Last Airbender fanfic**

**Challenge by: Sing Lullabys**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar**

**Pairings: Zutara, one sided-Maiko**

**Challenge: I gave this challenge. I'm a Maiko shipper (at times) and Sing Lullabys is a Zutara shipper. So...I gave the challenge, that Sing Lullabys will do Maiko and one-sided Zutara from Katara's POV, I will do Zutara and one-sided Maiko from Mai's POV.**

**I proudly (not quite) present to story..............**

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I see them together, laughing, giggling, holding hands. I maybe not show my feelings, as many people know, but I feel them. Why he chose her, I don't know. All I know is that I've lost. And, of course, I can't do anything about it, unfortunately. Perhaps, if I slit my own throat, or willingly stick my head into the noose, maybe, just maybe, he'd love me. But what use is love, if you are dead? There is no use at all, if you are dead. But alas, that is all wishful thinking.

I, the Fire Lady of the Fire Nation, have to tolerate the looks from the two, goofy grins. But, I, I can handle it, if I must. And in this situation I must. It kills me to watch, be I can't do anything else. It has been an eternity since I held him. An eternity since that _peasant_ arrived. But, of course, isn't always 'duty before love'? But, my husband,apparently, doesn't know that. And of course, I rather not tell him.

I continue to serve the Fire Nation, and the Senate. Everyday I walk in, with an emotionless facade, I can't help but wonder, what to the others see. What does the other Water Tribe peasant, Sokka see? Does he see his sister happy, with the Fire Lord. Does he see how I feel, as hard as I try to hide it? Does he know that what they do is treachery? What does he feel when he sees the Avatar. What about the blind earthbender? Does she feel their heartbeats accelerate everytime they see each other? Does she feel my heartbeat accelerate everytime I see them together? Does she know it hurts deeply?

However, the one I truly feel bad for is the Avatar. Even I can see the misery etched on his face. Sometimes, he comes to me for comfort. He knows I feel the heartbreak too. He know that, for the sake of the world, he must move on and think not about it. He knows, but he wishes he didn't. I see him, everytime I pass him, whether to the Senate room or back to my study or quarters, I see his suffering, as I wish, I wish we weren't on opposite sides of the war, that perhaps, we would have have the chance to keep our lover's love. But no. The Universe and fate has its own decisions.

"Fire Lady Mai." My attention snaps to the....the peasant.

"What do you want?" My voice is cold, clear, and calculating. Almost like Azula's before she descended into mental insanity.

"Uh, the Fire Lord wants to see you." she says meekly. And I'm sure that she had seen my jaw clench, my eyes narrow.

And, of course, she knows. But for she leaves, I call to her, and she turns.

My eyes, harder than the knives I carry, carry the message. "I know, Katara of the Southern Water Tribe. I am not blind."

She flushes a dark red, her eyes downcast. And regally, I turn away. To my husband.

I step swiftly into the throne room. All I can see is my husband's silhouette. I bow from the waist, acknowledging his position.

"Mai," he says, his deep voice enveloping the room, I do not flinch. "I know you know, about, well, you know."

I speak again, my voice sharp as a whip, calculating, and I tell him, " Of course I know. How could I not? Everytime I enter your quarters, the Water Tribe girl is in there. I can assume what you have been doing. But, my lord," my voice colder than before, and I hiss, "I may not show it, but I feel. Just because I may be made of stone, I feel. You would do well to remember that."

I turn swiftly on my heel and begin to sweep away, but he stops me, "I'm sorry, Mai."

I turn back, "I'm sorry too, my lord _husband_," putting extra emphasis on the word, "I wish you could've love me more." And with that, I left the room.

I head back to the palace gardens, and I wish I could give up the crown. The Crown of the Fire Lady that sits in my dark hair, but the law forbides it. There is only another way, but I rather not use it. But, if I must, I will, to alleviate my suffering, I would, to make my husband happy, I would just for the opportunity to be released from this Agni-forsaken place.

I stare at the turtleducks, my silver eyes sharp. I remove a small slice of bread from the hidden container I hid in the tree. I break it into small pieces and give it to the turtles. I might be decisive, but I fear the pain of death. I return to my room, and I write a note.

_Fire Lord Zuko,_

_Perhaps, like I said, I would still be here, if you loved me.  
But I know, that you love the peasant, and I, can not do  
anything about it. If I were still here, you would not leave  
because you would never break a promise. I apologize in  
advance for what will happen when you find me in my rooms.  
But when you do, you will find the door unlocked._

-Mai. May you live long and burn brightly.

I tie it with a black ribbon. I sneak silently and stealthily into his room, which, thankfully are unoccupied. I drop it onto his bed. and I leave.

I stand in the middle of my room. I take out the knive he gave me while we were kids. I write one more note.

_I'm sorry._

I pin the note to my sleeve. I pull the knife slowly across my neck. I feel the blood leave me. I feel the swirling blackness, and I drop to the ground. The knife falls beside me. My eyes close. Then the blessed oblivion comes. I thank the spirits. I hope you will love me now, my lord.

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**A/N: Quite angsty if you ask me. But everyone knows that Mai loves Zuko, but he loved Katara, we all know Mai would rather give up.**

**Here's the tiny epilogue:**

The Fire Lord returned to his chambers, with the peasant in hand. He noticed the note on his bed. He had a sense of deja vu. Like the time when he broke up with Mai, before he left for the Avatar.

Katara sat him on the bed and read the note with him.

Zuko reads it, then his amber eyes widen, his face pales, he he quickly stands up and leaves. Katara glances through the note, and hurries after Zuko. Zuko is standing, speechless, at his wife's doorway. She is on the floor, in the middle of the room, with blood next to her. There is a thin line across her throat. Katara stumbles backward, horrified. Zuko walks slowly into the room. His notices the flash of with attached to her sleeve.

_I'm sorry._

He notices the knife next to her, and he notices that it is the knife he gave her.

He slowly turns away.

**A/N: There you go! Zutara, one-sided Maiko, from Mai's POV.**

**This was a pain in the neck to write.**

**But, a challenge is a challenge. Hope ya like it, Sing Lullabys!**

**Silvereyes12**


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